The book on which the movie is based is a compelling and detailed account of the most historically significant Presidential campaign in our nation’s history. That’s not hyperbole. That’s fact. But rather than tell that story, the producers and the network went for the easy money and focused only on the Sarah Palin subplot. In my opinion, this was the irresponsible and lazy route. In fact, in choosing to condense a complex, sweeping story about American politics in the 21st century into a two hour flick about a woman whose only political attributes were her looks, legs and shallow platitudes about guns, hockey moms and Muslims, the filmmakers have offered us the same one dimensional, myopic view that politicians like Sarah Palin serve up daily.

Understand I am no supporter of Sarah Palin. Anyone who has heard my standup comedy riff about what we’re really talking about when we talk about Sarah Palin can attest to that. I believe her political rhetoric is dangerously divisive and culled from, at best, a shallow understanding of national and world events. Still, if you think this film is the definitive account of the ’08 campaign or applaud career political operatives like Steve Schmidt and Nicole Wallace for their courage in distancing themselves from her, then you are more of an idiot than Sarah Palin could ever be.

Schmidt and Wallace sold out their employers. Schmidt, who “discovered” Palin, has gone onto a new job- cashing MSNBC pay checks while Wallace seems ready to show up anytime, anyplace to talk about the evils of the Alaskan Snow Queen. Question for you Nicole… If you were so scared about Sarah Palin that you couldn’t vote in the 2008 election, why didn’t you make your statements public then? Wallace is portrayed in the film as the only character truly concerned about Palin’s inadequacies and the consequences of her ascension to the top ranks of world leadership. So why didn’t she quit? Why didn’t she rush out into the streets and warn us? Because everyone’s gotta eat. That’s why.

As for the notion that a person who doesn’t know the difference between North Korea and South Korea, thinks the Queen actually rules England, can’t name one magazine she reads and spends her days in Alaska waving at her Russian neighbors from the back porch was but a few percentage points (and one massive McCain heart attack) away from becoming the most powerful leader in the world, relax. The country would’ve been fine. Beyond having to read about her antics in the media every day and feeling embarrassed when we talked to our European friends, we would’ve remained unscathed. Remember, decisions in the White House are not made by the president alone. There are advisers and cabinet members who all offer an opinion until some consensus is built. It’s not like President Palin could’ve woken up in the middle of the night, picked up the phone and, in minutes, stopped all abortion rights, bombed the wrong Korea and declared hockey our national sport. It doesn’t happen that way and, last I checked, we do have two other branches of government.

I mean, look, in our 230 or so years, we’ve made it through some really bad presidencies- including one that ended just 4 years ago. We would’ve made it through Palin, too. In fact, after eight years of Bush and four years or so of Palin (I keep killing off poor John McCain), the Democrats would’ve been able to take solace in the knowledge that- like Roosevelt and Truman after the 12 year disaster of Harding, Coolidge and Hoover- the country would lean Democrat for the next 24 years. So stay calm everyone. Regardless of who becomes president, there’s never a reason to think you should have to leave the country. Unless, it’s Rick Santorum… In which case, has anyone seen my passport?

2) “Blues In Orbit” by Duke Ellington is one of the most beautiful pieces of music you will ever hear.

3) Mitt Romney bores me in a way I can’t really explain in words. So let’s try sound… CLUNK, CLUNK, CLUNK.

4) I haven’t danced since my wedding. And I’m okay with it.

5) The NBA still bores the crap out of me… But I used to love it.

6) I really can’t remember the last movie I saw that was truly great.

7) No way Israel bombs Iran without our support.

My apartment needs more windows.

9) Every good recipe starts with olive oil and garlic.

10) Was it really necessary to post the above 9 things?

Didn’t want to hear it from him and didn’t want to hear it from callers. The last time I made any reference to guns- an offhand joke about record gun sales on Black Friday- I was inundated with hateful calls from people convinced I was a “lefty, pinko, Marxist, demon spawn of Jeanine Garafolo and Sean Penn” idiot.

That’s something I will never do again- back down from my beliefs. I promised myself when I took this radio gig that I would always be honest in my opinions. Regardless of whether or not I thought the listeners would support my views or go running elsewhere, I would not be shaken. Last night I failed myself.

On tonight’s show I’ll talk more about this and hope to articulate my beliefs in as thoughtful a manner as I can. I see the gun debate as neither a Left vs. Right nor a Democrat vs. Republican issue. This comes down to what each individual believes is best for the general well being of our society. And clearly opinions are mixed. Recent Supreme Court decisions affirming Second Amendment rights were passed by the overwhelming majority of 5-4. Not exactly a mandate and proof that arguments about what our Founding Fathers ultimately intended for our nation are not as cut and dry as some on both sides would like to pretend. I get the fact that we’re a nation of gun enthusiasts. I understand the right of people to hunt, to collect guns, to shoot for sport. But as for allowing the average person to walk around with a loaded handgun? My thoughts on that can best be summed up in the following bumper sticker…

“GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE, PEOPLE WHO ARE ALLOWED TO CARRY GUNS IN PUBLIC BECAUSE THEY HAVEN’T ACTUALLY GONE TO PRISON YET BUT DEFINITELY HAVE SOME ANGER ISSUES AND A STRONG LOVE OF BOURBON OR KIDS WHO GET THEIR HANDS ON A HANDGUN BECAUSE DADDY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE REALLY COOL TO BUY A GLOCK SO HE COULD TAKE IT WITH HIM TO THE SUPERMARKET OR THE WOMAN WHO’S A LITTLE SKITTISH AND SO WHEN THE GUY CAME UP BEHIND HER TO ASK IF SHE HAD ANY CHANGE SHE PANICKED AND SHOT THE GUY IN THE HEAD DO”

Okay, let the debate begin.

“My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.”

His choice of words? He kept it up for TWO FREAKING DAYS! This isn’t a case of someone saying something insensitive, realizing the error, and quickly backing down. What was going on in his fat, oxycontin addled head for TWO FREAKING DAYS? According to him, throughout his career he has “illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week…” Ah, I get it, Rush is simply an absurdist in the grand tradition of Monty Python and the Zucker brothers. No. Absurdist humor is used to exaggerate a point until that point no longer has value. If Limbaugh was attacking her as a means of defending her, that would be absurdist. “She’s a slut!… She wants us to pay for her to have sex!” If there was sarcasm attached to those statements, he’d have a case. The reality is that Limbaugh simply wanted to feed his male dominated audience cheap laughs at this women’s expense.

On my WBAL radio show the other night, I talked about Limbaugh’s comments as well as offering my thoughts on a Huffington Post piece written by former “Simpsons” producer Larry Doyle.  Both Limbaugh’s right wing attack on Ms. Fluke and Doyle’s left wing attack on Santorum’s Catholic beliefs overstepped any boundaries of propriety. I mean, look, I’m a standup comedian and in comedy everything is fair game. As it should be. But what’s appropriate in a comedy club is not necessarily appropriate for main stream media. I get that and try to temper my remarks accordingly.

However, if I ever did say anything on my show that sparked controversy or demanded retraction, I hope I’d have the fortitude to stand by my convictions. Rush Limbaugh believes that women like Sandra Fluke are trying to get the government to sponsor their sexual activities. That was the point of his rant. Fine. If he believes it enough to devote two days of his show to the topic, then he should have the courage to stand by his arguments. But that’s not Limbaugh’s way. He has no conscience, courage, nor convictions. Every word Rush Limbaugh has ever uttered has been about making money. And too many of us have condoned his “absurdities”. Read this L.A Times piece from David Horsey. He describes Limbaugh’s tactics brilliantly.

Rush Limbaugh chose to call a woman a prostitute. A prostitute is a person who hires out their body strictly for money. A mouth is a part of the human body. So who’s the hooker? You tell me.

Seriously, though. I mean I’m gonna do it. I promise. I’ll write stuff about being middle aged. I’ll write about my love of jazz and good food. I’ll give you my insights into politics and social issues… I’ll amaze you with philosophical musings and rants about bad movies and books I’ve read and random, cute things I run across. I’ll dazzle you with my review of that magnificent $11 bottle of Malbec my wife and I shared last night… and- actually wait… I have an idea…. Here’s a list of 10 things I promise NOT (sorry about the caps) to do on this blog.

1) Post pictures of funny roadside signs.

2) Say nice things about Newt Gingrich

3) Whine about career misfortunes or what it’s like to be stuck in traffic.

4) Talk about how tired I am.

5) Review last night’s episode of American Idol

6) Write as though I’m an expert on anything.

7) Offer financial advice

Beg you to recommend my blog on YOUR blog page

9) Say nice things about Michael Vick, Ryan Seacrest, Anderson Cooper, Tom Cruise, Kim Kardashian, anyone associated with “Jersey Shore”, most Steven Spielberg movies, Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Michele Bachmann, that loud, blond chick who’s a lawyer and made her career because Natalee Holloway disappeared and Casey Anthony killed her daughter, the media’s coverage of Tim Tebow, most dishes involving chicken, Coldplay, opera, E-readers, The National Rifle Association, Creationists, John Grisham novels, the Dallas Cowboys, soccer, Iran, the one percenters, rats… etc.

10) become lazy and simply turn what could be a well written, interesting blog about issues that matter to me and might even matter to you into another one of those list blogs.